a preview of
The Odd Couple
by Steve Gallagher (dagalagas@yahoo.com)
On November 13th, Felix Unger was asked to leave Tennessee and run for a national office. That request came from his wife. Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that someday he would return there. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his political friend, Oscar Madison. Sometime earlier, Madison's wife had thrown him out, requesting that he also run for higher office. Can two Democratic men share an administration without driving each other crazy?
(Felix enters living room to applause. Immediately starts to clean. He finds suspicious stack of papers on the coffee table.)
FELIX: Bill, get in here!
(Oscar enters to applause. Looks rather sheepishly at what Felix has found.)
OSCAR: Hey Al, what's going on?
FELIX: Bill, what are these nuclear weapons secrets doing on the coffee table? These are supposed to be classified!
OSCAR: Al, my ex-wife is coming by later for her money. I need to sell those secrets to the Chinese or I'm in big trouble.
FELIX: You know you could get in big trouble for selling nuclear secrets to the Chinese. It's practically treasonous.
OSCAR: Oh Al, relax, it's nothing like treason. Besides, I sold them our best supercomputers last year, so it's just a matter of time before they'd figure this stuff out anyway. Listen, I need you to do me a big favor. Can you run down to the Buddhist temple and pick up some cash for me?
FELIX: Bill, I don't think that's legal. You're gonna get me in trouble with the media.
OSCAR: Don't worry, Reagan and Bush took money from Buddhists all the time. It's practically expected of us. Now can you just run down there and get that for me?
(Felix bends down and looks at the couch, his face is aghast.)
FELIX: What is this?! There's blood all over this couch! What the hell goes on in this apartment when I'm not around? How did all this blood get on the couch?
OSCAR: Oh, that... pay no attention to that, Al. There was a little problem with Vinnie... Vinnie's gone. I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do.
FELIX: Oscar, Oscar, Oscar. How could you do that to our old friend, Vinnie? We'll need a new fifth for poker... what happened?
OSCAR: We haven't decided yet... I think we're gonna go with "suicide" again... Please just run down to the temple and get that money for me. I'll have the blood off the couch before you get back.
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