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Hannity & Colmes III
by Steve Gallagher (dagalagas@yahoo.com) 
FOUR MONTHS FROM NOW HANNITY: Hello and welcome to Hannity & Colmes. Tonight, we will be discussing President Clinton’s bombshell Executive Order indefinitely delaying the 2000 elections. COLMES: With us to discuss the President’s bold gamble to save our country are Chairman of Judicial Watch - Larry Klayman; Democratic Congressman - Barney Frank; author of "No One Left To Lie To" and former good guy - Chrisopher Hitchens; and FOX News Contributor Eleanor Clift. Larry Klayman, let’s start with you - in light of the recent civil unrest, even you must agree that the president is right to cancel the upcoming election... KLAYMAN: Alan, we at Judicial Watch have been warning about this kind of eventuality for years. Any civil unrest in this country has been provoked by agents of this administration, with the intention of providing cover for the establishment of permanent rule by Clinton and his associates... What we have here is a very deep, widespread, criminal enterprise now running this country. Permanently. Does it bother you in the least, Alan, that you no longer live in a democracy? COLMES: I voted twice for Bill Clinton, as did a majority of Americans... As long as Bill Clinton remains in office, Mr. Klayman, the majority does in fact rule. When looked at from that perspective, Congressman Frank, wouldn’t yet another presidential election be comparable to an attempted coup d'état by those on the right? FRANK: Uf cawse! Wepubwicans refwuse ta acknowedge da whill uf DA Ahmewican peepoo! De Ahmewican peepoo wecognize dat Biwl Cwinton is DA gweatess pwesident in Ahmewican histowy! Wawwy Kwaman should be ashwamed of himsewf! HANNITY: Congressman Frank, you’re telling the American people that their right to vote has been taken away from them indefinitely! Don’t you think they’re going to object? FRANK: Fwankwy, Showawn, dey haven’t objected to anyding we done so fawr... KLAYMAN: Barney’s right, Sean. The majority of the American people actually praised the President when he outlawed all guns, as well as knives, scissors, and matches. FRANK: Doze dings weah hurtin’ DA Ahmewican peepoo! Beswides, DA pwesident wegalized doze widdle kiddie scwissors. HANNITY: I can’t cut anything with those! My fingers don’t even fit into the holes! FRANK: Is yaw obsesshion wid cutting pwapwer enough to jwustifwy de acwidental stwabbings of chwildwen who wun wid adult swissors?! How many chwilden must dwie befwore you care? KLAYMAN: The president has decided that law-abiding, American citizens can not be trusted with adult scissors, Sean. Meanwhile we are supposed to continue trusting him with some of the most sacred powers of his office, even after he has proven that he will wantonly abuse those powers. COLMES: What "sacred" powers are you alleging that the President "wantonly" abused, Larry. KLAYMAN: Basically all of them, but let’s look at his unconstitutional federal land grabs, as but one example. Clinton, in what many consider a payoff to the coal-producing Riady family of Indonesia for their massive and illegal campaign contributions, unconstitutionally created the 1.7 million acre Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument out of 1/7th of the State of Utah. COLMES: That’s a slanderous accusation, Mr. Klayman. In fact, if you read up on the issue you’d know that President Clinton created that national monument for the "children of tomorrow". I guess you didn’t know that fact! KLAYMAN: The ease with which he was able to carry out that bold usurpation of power only emboldened the President. When his approval rating fell below 40% in Texas, Clinton punished their insolence by nationalizing their entire state. CLIFT: That had nothing to do with the absolutely asinine political opinions of the idiots in Texas! You conveniently ignore the fact that if we continue to allow people to live in Texas, we are facing the imminent extinction of the Hairy Mudrut Mole! Extinction is forever, Larry. KLAYMAN: Thank you for your trite sloganeering Eleanor. The land grabs represent only one aspect of this president’s growing megalomania... his recent statements regarding our country’s support for the "One China" policy were an insane overstepping of his powers. FRANK: De "One China" powicy hath been Ahmewica’s powicy foh decades, Wawwy! KLAYMAN: That policy was meant to refer to Taiwan! The Japanese government is outraged at their sudden inclusion by Clinton! COLMES: You know, Larry, it is not the responsibility of the rabid right-wing in this country to tell China which nations they can or can’t assume control over. CLIFT: Well said, Alan. COLMES: We need to take a commercial break. (Fade to commercials - "Do you need money for college? Today’s Army is looking for a few good men, women, transsexuals, cross-dressers, intersexed individuals, transgendered postoperative she-males, drag queens, drag kings..." Fade back from commercials - "...any former member of the recently outlawed National Rifle Association who fails to report to their designated education center, will be in violation of the School Safety Act, and subject to appropriate penalization. This has been a public service announcement. Have a great, gun-free day!") HANNITY: Congressman Frank, let me ask you a question. Do you agree with the Clinton Administration’s plan to forcibly implant all Americans with miniature digital transceivers? FRANK: I dink dat dis is yet anothwa exwample of why dis man is such a gweat pwesident! His pwan wiwl put an end to kidnapwing, missing pwewsons, lost chiwdwen... HANNITY: Combined with our Global Positioning Satellite system, this plan will also enable the president to track any individual who violates his recent "Anti-Anti-Government Initiative for National Bliss." COLMES: You say that like it’s a bad thing Sean! The American people are fed up with the anti-government hysteria that nearly destroyed this Administration. If people insist on expressing antigovernment views, the government certainly has a right to know where they are at all times. HANNITY: These tactics are fascist and illegal! COLMES: Think about how illogical you’re being, Sean. If the government creates the laws, how can you say they’re breaking them? I guess they could go through the motions, and waste taxpayer dollars, to change the law long enough to do what they want, then change them back again. It’s just a stupid concept! CLIFT: It seems as if this president can do nothing right in the eyes of conservatives! He faces hateful resistance at nearly every turn. I find it dismaying. HITCHENS: If I may interject here, what I find truly dismaying, dear lady, is the truism that for a passel of promises he will not requite, this contemptible liar... this ignominious parasite... has shanghaied the immortal allegiance of the doltish and dishonorable. Eleanor, I dare postulate that you would disregard incontrovertible evidence of sedition by this bewitching beguiler, providing he remained allegiant to the cause of protecting your access to monthly maintenance abortions. CLIFT: That is completely out of line, Mr. Hitchens!... I think. I see no need for that sort of attack! HITCHENS: I beseech your forgiveness, dearest Eleanor. My observation was intemperate... mainly for its supposition that the male of the species might endeavor to engage in the manner of relations requisite to the establishment of that condition upon your person. Furthermore, I do accede that your womb, though doubtlessly rendered infertile by the ravages of time, is indeed both morally and legally your private domain. I, for one, do not challenge your sovereignty over that withered kingdom. With that in mind, I offer some semblance of a sincere apology. CLIFT: Apology accepted... frankly, that’s the kind of civility we need to see more of around here! HANNITY: We do our best, Eleanor. I’m afraid that’s all we have time for tonight. Tune in tomorrow when we’ll discuss Ken Starr’s continuing incarceration. Should the government be forced to reveal the charges against him? Stay tuned for the Crier Report.
THE END
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