a preview of
Hannity & Colmes - The Sequel
by Steve Gallagher (dagalagas@yahoo.com)
HANNITY: With us to discuss Mrs. Gore's allegation is Fox Political Analyst Dick Morris, Mark Levin from the Landmark Legal Foundation, Democratic Activist Susan Estrich, and the author of "High Crimes and Misdemeanors," Ann Coulter. Ann lets start with you, do you feel Tipper Gore's startling allegation is credible?

COULTER: Well, this one stuns even me. The fact that he would rape the wife of his own vice president is perhaps the scariest allegation yet. The only thing scarier is the fact that, despite the conclusive DNA evidence, Al Gore is still standing by the president!

COLMES: Susan, I have to admit, even I find this new allegation a little troubling. The fact that the president personally set up the video camera to record this alleged indiscretion is a bit odd, don't you think?

ESTRICH: Oh Alan, don't you think we're all overreacting just a little bit here? The true story here is how the Republicans are continually using the president's sex life to hide the fact that their agenda is so scary to all Americans everywhere. I mean this incident occurred over 23 hours ago! Do we really need to be discussing this?

COULTER: Susan, your hypocrisy is absolutely breathtaking. Are you suggesting that we should ignore a video tape of the president raping the wife of the vice president in the oval office?

ESTRICH: I'm saying....this is a matter between the president, the first lady, and the vice president. I mean, if Al Gore can forgive him, why do you still want to punish him? I mean, he gave her ice! How much more contrition does he have to show?

COULTER: I hate to be blunt, Susan, but you make me absolutely sick to my stomach. How can you call yourself a feminist with a straight face?

ESTRICH: Well Ann, I am sincerely sorry if my ability to see beyond these right-wing distractions upsets your stomach. I find it so amusing that we feminists, who used to be attacked for hating men, are now attacked for loving one man unconditionally. I had breakfast this morning with Patricia Ireland and Gloria Steinhem, and we all agreed that if we were married to Al Gore, a fat lip and a broken collar bone would be a small price to pay for a little fun with Clinton. And Pat's a lesbian for goodness sakes!

HANNITY: I can't believe what I am hearing Susan. You called for Clarence Thomas to be kept off the Supreme Court because he allegedly used dirty words, now you have no problem with a president who rapes?

ESTRICH: Sean, first of all, let me state that I do not support rape. You know, I was a rape victim myself.

LEVIN: (muttering) That was an act of mercy.

ESTRICH: What did you say, Mark!?

LEVIN: I said, "I have a house in Jersey."

ESTRICH: Oh. Sean, as I was saying, I don't support rape. It's just that we need to move on. Where is this going? The president, in response to this never ending barrage of trumped up charges, has already self-pardoned himself for all crimes, now and in the future. The American people unequivocally support that self-pardon.

HANNITY: Susan, that self-pardon is perhaps the most illegal and astonishing act committed by a guy who never stops astonishing me. What will we use to control his behavior, if that is allowed to stand?

ESTRICH: You on the right wing are always trying to control other people's behavior. He has apologized and offered Tipper a position in his cabinet to make up for his admittedly boorish behavior. Isn't that enough?

HANNITY: No it is not! How can you call him contrite? He just put new vanity plates on the presidential limo. They read 6UL-DV8!! This man is extremely unbalanced. Does he think that joke is funny?


Copyright © 1999, Steve Gallagher (dagalagas@yahoo.com)

May not be reprinted without permission from the author