a preview of
Hannity & Colmes
by Steve Gallagher (dagalagas@yahoo.com)
HANNITY: Victor, are you calling the murder of Vincent Foster an obscure technicality?

KAMBER: Alleged murder.

HANNITY: Web Hubbell produced an actual videotape of Bill Clinton shooting Foster in the head, blowing the smoke away from the gun barrel, and saying to the camera, "That's how Cuomo and his goombas back east would have handled it"!

KAMBER: We don't know if that videotape is real.

HANNITY: It's been verified by seven independent investigators, the CIA, and the FBI. The president even called Mario Cuomo to apologize for the ethnic slur.

COLMES: Sean, you act as if Clinton's the first president to kill anyone. What about Washington, Grant, Eisenhower, and Bush, to name a few?

HANNITY: They were soldiers for godsake! It's obviously not the same thing.

KAMBER: You're just finding excuses for other presidents who've killed people.

CLIFT: Sean, can I interrupt? If the military weren't so loathsome, Bill Clinton might have gone to Vietnam and done his killing in a way that you right-wing fanatics might have approved of!

HANNITY: We need to take a break, and I need to take a shower.

(Fade to commercials - "Do you have mounting legal problems and unlimited taxpayer funds? Then contact the law office of Williams & Connolly....

Fade back from commercials - "...At Loral Space & Communications, we don't make Chinese nuclear missiles - we make Chinese nuclear missiles better.")

COLMES: We're back. Ambassador Keyes, try to look at this video the way I look at this video - point your left eyeball straight ahead and your right eyeball at some ill-defined spot near the ceiling.

KEYES: I'm sorry Alan, but my eyes are synchronized. I look at this video as an indelible indictment of our entire country. Liberals in congress and the media spend all their time trying to redirect the people from the main point. This murdering, marauding man we have in the White House is the most dangerous man in America. His actions are manifestly malignant and his supporters are coconspirators in the destruction of this once great nation.

COLMES: I fail to see how that exonerates Ken Starr. Betsy, I understand you've done a little research on impeachment law involving murder.

MCCAUGHY ROSS: That's right Alan. Because I am a constitutional scholar, I was able to determine that the phrase "treason, bribery and other high crimes and misdemeanors" does not contain the word "murder". Even if you scramble the letters, you are still missing the "u".


Copyright © 1999, Steve Gallagher (dagalagas@yahoo.com)

May not be reprinted without permission from the author